


The Toughest Teen In Letterkenny

by intothecest



Category: Letterkenny (TV)
Genre: Ages Left Vague, Bad Puns, Brother/Sister Incest, F/M, Fist Fights, Halloween, Halloween Candy, Halloween Costumes, Just Desires, Octobercest, Overprotective, Pre-Canon, Puns & Word Play, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wayne is definitely a teen though, just like the show, no actual incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27193699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothecest/pseuds/intothecest
Summary: You're hanging out with your friends and boyfriend at your parents' produce stand the other daaaaaaay....
Relationships: Katy & Wayne (Letterkenny), Katy/Wayne (Letterkenny)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13
Collections: Octobercest 2020!





	The Toughest Teen In Letterkenny

There are 500 teenagers in Letterkenny. These are their problems.

"Hey, Katy. Heard you spent some time at the produce stand with your loverboy the other daaaaaaay..."

Monday morning, and the first person she saw at school--who wasn't there at the time--brought up the events of Saturday without so much of a "how're you now?" So, clearly, the story had already spread. Or some of it. They probably wanted to hear more, from her lips... and she'd tell them, the broad strokes, although some of the details she'd keep to herself...

Last Saturday started out looking up, despite the fact that it was a chore day. But of all the chores their parents assigned them, Katy liked manning the produce stand the most, because she could relax. Not that her choring was too extensive as it was, at least from a physical standpoint... especially with her brother around. Officially they both had their share of work around the farm, even the heavy physical work that supposedly 'built character', but Wayne had a soft heart, if it seemed like she was getting tired, he would find ways to take the burden on himself, either 'trading' her for chores that always seemed to benefit her, or sometimes just outright telling her to sit a spell while he finished up. Sometimes that bothered her, both the lowkey guilt that she wasn't pulling her fair share and the unstated implication that she couldn't, when she absolutely could... but at the same time, sometimes when she was taking a water break it was fun to sit and watch Wayne work, pushing himself to go even faster than he normally did so that by the time her heart stopped pounding and her breath wasn't so heavy, most of the hardest work would already be done. 

But the produce stand was almost a fun chore. She could handle it alone, if parental rules didn't forbid that... either they worked with an adult, or, now that they were getting a little older, rarely, Wayne and Katy handled it together. That was 'just in case' something happened. Nothing serious ever had, save for the occasional skid trying to steal and who needed a whupping to teach 'em why that strategy was sub-optimal, even with two teenagers being the only guards... otherwise, people from Letterkenny were generally decent sorts. Still, the stand got the occasional visitor from out of town, so their parents insisted there be backup around in case they got some degenerate from upcountry, as Dad called them. 

That suited Katy just fine... it just gave her the opportunity to prove her belief that she was much better at sales than anyone else in the family, even Wayne. Sure, there were a few people who preferred to deal with her brother--often lovestruck girls who often went away disappointed to only receive his friendly politeness--or an adult, but Katy was good with everybody else and never got flustered like the men sometimes did. Like when, in the height of summer, Gail would regularly stop by to buy some cucumbers and make some insinuations to Wayne, or her dad, or her Uncle Eddie, about what she needed them for. That was always worth a smirk, watching from the sidelines and usually Wayne and her dad were happy she was around so they could find other things to do while she completed the sale. 

Cucumber season was just about over though, and this past weekend, with her parents driving up to Toronto for some business, was looking practically like a rare day off from Saturday choring. Aside from a little bit of set-up work and closing up, they only had to actually get up when someone was buying something, and now that October had rolled in and fewer city people were passing through town on their way to a summer cottage, even that was infrequent. So mostly it looked like a day they had to themselves. Sure, they couldn't leave the farm to go anywhere fun, but they could bring a certain amount of fun _to_ them. In particular, the moment her parents truck left the laneway, she called her new boyfriend Colin, asked if he wanted to come over, hang out, with some others from school. Of course, he jumped at the chance to spend time with her, show her off to his friends, even if that meant they couldn't do some of the more fun stuff they got away with in stolen corners during lunch hour at their high school... not with Wayne within sight. 

Her brother sat a few feet away that afternoon, talking with their friend Daryl, smoking the occasional dart (one of Katy's unspoken duties was to keep an eye out for anybody who might mention that fact to their parents) on the edge of the group that had formed, mostly, around Katy. In the absence of anything else that needed doing, Wayne could spend a whole day sitting in his chair like that, whether people were there or not, squinting out into the distance in seeming obliviousness--but his eyes would catch even the slightest motion, particularly if that motion involved someone getting close to his sister. Not that he would interfere... they'd made an agreement about that--the days of him threatening boys for even flirting with her were over--but he could look at Colin with disdain sufficient to make him keep his hands and lips to himself, mostly, a better deterrent than any wandering Vice-Principal ever was. 

She had to pretend, for Colin's benefit, that her brother's presence was a downer on their time together, although secretly she was glad of it. Katy still wasn't entirely sure about this new guy... she really liked making out with Colin, but she liked making out in general, really, closing her eyes and being carried away by the sensations, though he was pretty good at it. Or maybe he wasn't, maybe he was just average, but he was at least tall and muscular enough to get her motor running more than usual... he even smoked, so the lingering smell clung to him made things incredibly exciting in a dark supply closet. But thrills were one thing... if she was going to be with him long-term she knew she'd better get to know him a little better than that, see how she mixed with his friends and he with hers, without them just rushing to making out every time. Besides, the group dynamic was more fun... she liked being at the center of things, and here she felt it. There was Wayne and Daryl and occasionally another of their friends, and she was part of that group. And Colin and his friends who were also her classmates, and she was part of _that_ group now too. And a few of _her_ friends she invited along, and even a couple who were just friends of friends. All in all, there were a little more than a dozen people sitting by the produce stand that afternoon, mostly on the grass because there were only a few chairs, but still, Katy felt like she knew everybody, could talk to everyone, could join in on any discussion as she saw fit, while everyone else was a little wary of crossing lines.

Though it was sometimes hard to keep track of all the different conversations. After they'd been sitting there for a while, she decided Colin was talking to his buddies about hockey for too long, which she liked to watch but got bored of listening to, and so she focused her attention on Daryl and Wayne, who were debating what the best and worst Halloween candies were.

"Chips are not a candy, they're a type of snack, but not a candy," Wayne was insisting in his usual poopy-pants ways.

"I'm just saying I like them, is all. Don't you like getting those little bags of chips?"

"Of course I like chips, I'm just saying chips are against the spirit. It's a completely different flavor profile. You should be giving sweets at Halloween, give people chips at Thanksgiving or something. And the question was, what's the best Halloween _candy_?"

"I guess I like my Coffee Crisp," Daryl decided finally. "I'm not allowed to drink coffee normally."

"You're not allowed to drink coffee?" Wayne asked, incredulously. They'd known each other for years but there was always things left to learn. "You live on a farm, Darry, how the hell do you get up in the morning?" Wayne had been drinking coffee in the mornings since before he could shave. 

"Mom says it makes me agitated," Daryl reported. He had that sort of sad-puppy look on his face, but then suddenly cheered up. "But every Halloween, I sort 'em up, stash 'em up under my bed, on a good year, it gets me through mornings until practically Christmas. It's like a little bite-sized brefekst loophole."

"My favorites are Smarties," Katy piped up with. "Don't have to worry about messing up your hands."

"Do you eat the red ones last?" Colin teased her, suddenly taking an interest in the side conversation now that she had joined in.

"Of course, I'm not a freak." She didn't really care, honestly, but it was a tradition she sometimes observed. 

"Yeah, of course she eats the red ones last, Christ, she's not a monster," Wayne joined in, and although he was joining in the joke she knew he was far more diligent about that than her, ever since he found out that was a thing.

"What, do you think she's a serial killer or something?" Daryl asked.

In the gap before Colin could think of whether to respond to the light teasing, someone volunteered, "I like Rockets." That was Angie, sitting on the grass between Katy and Wayne. Officially she was there to hang out with the group, but Katy knew she had her eye on her brother. 

"Gotta be careful with those," Daryl said. "Grind them up, those things are like kiddie schneef."

"That's what got Squirrelly Dan in trouble," Katy pointed out. Or so was the rumour, anyway. What wasn't a rumour was that, although he used to be a regular at the stand, lately he'd been hanging out with the skids an awful lot. She sort of missed him, even if he could be annoying, but it was the kind of thing where he needed to decide he needed help before they could do anything.

Perhaps not wanting to think about his wayward friend, Wayne said, "I'm partial to Choco-Coconut these days."

"Really?" Angie asked. "I love those too, but nobody else in my family likes them." She was _so_ transparent. 

"What's not to like?" Wayne said. "Coconut is a natural sweet that you can't grow local. Cover it in chocolate, and it is the very definition of a treat."

"Coconut's gross, bro," said Colin, which earned him a glare, not just because he was low-key insulting her brother's tastes, but just on general principle. Everyone liked different things, and just because you found something gross, there was no reason to rain on the parade of anybody else who's tastes ran in different directions. Completely missing her warning sign, Colin continued, "Besides, don't your family give away apples every year?"

At this, Wayne bristled. "What of it?" The family tended to have a lot of extra apples this time of year, and their father thought it was 'good enough' to give away, especially it was the kind of treat you could only give away in a small, tight-knit community where everybody trusted each other, compared to the big cities where they might have razor blades. It was a symbol of trust, he always said. Or perhaps he was just cheap. But he was still their father. "You got a problem with apples?"

"Colin..." she warned.

"Yeah, _Colin_ ," Daryl repeated, turning his name sing-songy and almost an insult. "Why you Colin them out like that?"

By his face, it looked like Colin had finally realized his mistake, that in his zeal to score points against Wayne he forgot that he was also insulting his new girlfriend's dad. At least if it _was_ accidental and he wasn't one of those idiots who said things to try and knock down the self-esteem of girls he was with... if that was the case, he was going to learn pretty quickly that she had no tolerance for _that_ bullshit. But he wouldn't back down, not completely, which was almost admirable. "Nothing, just saying, your house is not gonna be on anyone's Halloween stop list. Might as well stop by at the Dycks." The Dycks were Mennonites and didn't celebrate Halloween... though they did throw a good Autumn Harvest event, if you weren't put off by their religiousness, which their family wasn't.

From Colin's left, she heard his friends talking to each other.

"I like the Dycks, buddy."

"I like the Dycks too, buddy."

"Remember how we used to play at the Dycks, buddy?"

"I loved playing at the Dycks with you, buddy."

"Me too, buddy."

"Why'd we stop, buddy?"

"Got caught, buddy. Dad was pretty pissed at me sneaking off. He never thought I should be too close to the Dycks."

"Oh, right, buddy."

Wayne, unaware of the side conversation, looked like he was about to stand up to argue with Colin for his family honour, or maybe the Dycks', just on general principle, but then Katy's eyes caught his and he relaxed back in the chair. All he said was, "Halloween treats are a gift, and a surprise, you take what you get and even if you don't like it, you act grateful and you don't complain about it." Which was remarkably restrained, even if it sounded like quoting their father.

Colin looked at Katy, then down at the grass and began picking at it. Seemed he was picking his battles, too. "Whatever."

"I tell you what, though, if I _was_ in charge of deciding for the household, I wouldn't be giving out apples. I'd give out full-sized chocolate bars."

"That's awfully nice of you Wayne," Daryl said.

"Yeah, you must really like the kids," Angie said, looking up at Wayne with disgustingly obvious affection in her eyes.

Her brother took a drag off his cigarette. "Fuck, I don't give a shit about the kids." He exhaled. "I just think it's the right thing to do. If you're going to do something, don't half-ass it."

Then the conversation diverged a little, and Katy joined in some gossip on people at school, but she still regularly kept an ear on her brother and Daryl's conversation which tended to be a little more fun, even if still focused on Halloween. Better than talking about farts at least.

"I just think our classic Halloween costumes could do with being a bit more... Canadian," was Daryl's latest opinion. "Like, if you're going as Jason Vorhees, you're wearing a goalie mask anyway, why not add some proper protective gear and a Team Canada jersey."

Wayne considered this. "What, like, you dress up like Michael Myers, except turn the mask inside-out so it looks like William Shatner?"

Katy thought quickly, wanting to contribute, "Wear a devil costume, but have a fancy outfit and a microphone, and go as Celine De-mon." Or maybe Devil Lavigne... she wasn't sure the wordplay worked as well, but there was a more distinctive style to go for. She tried to picture herself dressing like one of those options for Halloween, wondering if she could make it work... then decided of course she could, if she wanted to. 

"I suppose you wouldn't even need a mask if you're going as Mike Myers," Wayne continued his own train of thought, and Katy was a little disappointed he didn't give a reaction to hers. "You could just wear the Myers' jumpsuit and do yourself up like Austin Powers or something. Or vice versa."

"Sure." Daryl seemed happy that his notion was taken up by the group. "Or keep the Team Canada jersey from the Jason outfit, but make your face all green and shit and go as Mario Le _mutant_."

"Wolverine," said one of Colin's friends, the one with the dark hair, missing the point of the exercise entirely. "He's Canadian, and a mutant. That would be a sweet costume to go as for Halloween." And then he and his other friend argued that the other would make a great Wolverine.

At least, they did until Colin interrupted to say, "So I heard Stewart is throwing some kind of rave for Halloween. I mean he is a bit of a skid but it could be fun. You want to go?" He casually put his arm around Katy, a bold move. She looked to her brother who was still trading ideas with Darry, but she could see his face had curled up into a half sneer.

He could sneer all he wanted, though. "Maybe," she said. It might mean sneaking out, but she didn't have a problem with that, she just didn't want him to get complacent.

"Tons of people are going to be there, buddy," said one of Colin's buddies, the one she thought was named Jonesy. "Brooksy, the Bays, Smitty, Shorsey."

Katy made a face. "Ugh, Shorsey." Okay, he _was_ incredibly hot, with like a _perfect_ body, but he was an annoying ass.

The other friend revealed, "Oh, shit, Cartsy's going to be there too. Is he still pissed at you, buddy?"

The story of their falling out hadn't quite percolated out to Katy, though she knew enough to know that they used to be friends and weren't anymore. Colin snorted. "Like I give a shit. I could kick his ass any day of the week."

Jonesy seemed unsure. "You know his cousin's like, the Toughest Guy in Letterkenny."

"Doesn't mean anything, he's like thirty, he's not going to come after me or anything. Besides, his cousin may be the Toughest Guy in Letterkenny, but I'm the Toughest _Teen_ in Letterkenny." 

"I'm a teen," Wayne said suddenly. It silenced all the little conversations going on at once... even those who had no idea what Colin had just said, and that Wayne's statement seemed to be irrelevant but innocuous, everybody knew _something_ big had been said. Her brother had that kind of presence, when he wanted to. 

"What?" Colin said, pulling his arm away from Katy slowly to lean over.

"You said you're the Toughest Teen in Letterkenny," Wayne pointed out, then repeated, "'Kay. _I'm_ a teen."

Colin had made the boast before, quite a bit really, in the lunch room, in school sports... this was the first he'd done it in front of Wayne, though, and now he seemed suddenly uncertain of himself. "I got no beef with you, man."

"Oh, I got no beef with you either. But you say a thing like that, sets a guy to thinking. I gave you a good once-over..."

"A _Colin_ -oscopy, you might say," Daryl supplied. _Wonder how long he's been waiting to say that._

Wayne continued, "And you don't strike me as the kind of guy who can back up that claim. But maybe I'm wrong. Care to find out?" With alarming swiftness, he stood up, arms half-bent so he could tuck his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans.

"Wayne..." she warned.

"This is between me and--I don't even know what his name is. But he claimed to be the Toughest Teen in Letterkenny, and if he really is, I think I'd know his name.."

"Yeah, you might make it your _Colin_ card," Daryl said.

Colin stood too, more slowly, and kept his distance as he sized Wayne up. It wasn't totally out of the question that they fight, and Colin even had a chance... they were almost on par in terms of height, and although Wayne had some pounds on him, good-looking muscles weren't everything in a fight. But they were intimidating, even covered by flannel. "Look, if this is about that apple thing, I apologize."

"Apology accepted. But you said you were the Toughest Teen in Letterkenny. Are you or aren't you?"

"Look, you're older than me," Colin said.

"Darry, what counts as teen?"

"Wayne, I believe that's a person between thirteen and nineteen. Counting the ends."

"And am I in that range, Darry?"

"Can confirm, Wayne."

Colin looked back and forth between them as they were talking. "You're my girlfriend's brother."

"That may be true. This is between us, but she might not want us throwing hands, so out of respect, we should probably get her leave to continue. Katy?"

Wayne did have his pride, and this might have come up even if Colin was just some random friend who had not previously had his tongue down her throat... but she knew her big brother, she knew he was just itching for this fight. In fact this seemed too much like his old intimidation tricks. She couldn't go back to the way things were, she'd fought too hard to get her brother to agree that her love life was _her_ business, that it was none of _his_ to interfere (at least unless a guy has done something like cheat on her... that, too, was part of the agreement). Even if she secretly missed his overprotectiveness, she could never admit it. Give in now, she knew, and Wayne's impossibly high standards would mean him scaring off every guy, or girl, who might be interested, and what would that lead to? A part of her trembled at the thought.

On the other hand, this wasn't exactly giving in. Colin _had_ claimed to be the Toughest Teen in Letterkenny, and that's the kind of thing you need to back up. She threw up her hands in mock exasperation. "You said you were the Toughest Teen in Letterkenny," she pointed out. "If you guys want to get in a macho testosterone fest, I'm not getting involved."

"So, it seems like we've run out of excuses for you to back out without actually backing out. No shame in admitting you're not the Toughest Teen in Letterkenny, as after all, there can only be one."

Even though she'd just given her consent for the fight, she wondered if maybe she should encourage Colin to back down. If he claimed to be just joking, he could get out of fighting with only a little bruise to his ego, and like most teenage boys, his ego could do with a bruising. Katy could probably call him aside before things progressed, tell him she wouldn't think less of him for bowing out. Then again, that might make him more determined. _Boys._ But when she rolled the idea around in her head, a part of her _really_ wanted to be with the Toughest Teen in Letterkenny, whoever it might be. There was something primally attractive about that.

"So what do you say," Daryl asked. "Is this happening or is Wayne... _Colin_ your bluff?"

"I propose we square up, throw punches until one of us yields." Wayne flicked the butt of his cigarette to the ground, stamped it out with his foot. "Friendly fight. Nothing below the belt."

"Fine," Colin said, taking a breath, psyching himself up. "But I warn you, I'm not going to go easy on you just because you're Katy's brother, so maybe _you_ should think about backing down." 

Not a chance of that, Katy knew. "Pitter patter, let's get at'er," Wayne said.

"Mind the property line," Katy warned. Fighting on property was against Dad's rules, save for defence of the family or the stand. Luckily the property just ended a few feet away, so the two shuffled off. 

Everyone else followed, Katy included, forming a circle around the contenders for the title, the most exciting thing that had happened all day. Wayne leaned in, his fists up against his chest, while Colin held his more towards his sides. He looked nervous.

Wayne didn't. He looked perfectly in his element. His eyes were even less squinty than usual. 

To the cheers of "Fight, fight ,fight." Colin threw the first punch, but Wayne threw the first that landed. It wasn't a one-punch drop, had to give Colin some credit for that, they traded a few more, and it was a real fight.

"God, your brother is _so_ hot," Angie, watching from right beside her, muttered, and it was all she could do to keep from nodding in agreement. Instead she just watched, this physical contest between two men who should absolutely not be fighting over her... if they were, but the thought that this was _almost_ what they were doing made her knees a little weak. 

But before long it was over, Colin fell to the gravel, wiped his bloody nose with his fingers, breathing heavily. Wayne stood over him, looking like the punches hadn't even effected him, like he hadn't even broken a sweat, then, ever the gentleman, offered his hand to help Colin up. 

Colin slapped his hand away. "You fucking cheated," he said, scrambling back to his feet. "Came at me when I wasn't ready. And you never said faces were fair game." Everyone knew that first part wasn't true, and even if 'no face punches' was an implied rule, Colin's first, dodged swing had been right at Wayne's own face. But with the blood streaming down over his lips and tears in his eyes, Colin was trying for anything to salvage his dignity. Too bad he didn't realize that was more pathetic than taking the loss.

"No reason to be sore," Wayne said, though Colin had to be. "Fight was fair, but if you contest, I'll give you one free swing for Katy's sake, then we'll have another to settle it, and this time, we'll leave our faces out of it."

Some people were up for a fight until they've actually been in one, and it seemed like Colin was one of them. The thought of facing Wayne again, even a tamer fight with one free hit was too much... though, of course, Wayne's complete confidence to offer those terms was probably even more intimidating. "I have to go," he said, holding his nose. "I could bleed out. We'll settle this another day, hick."

"I don't think we will," Wayne predicted. "You're at least 5 ply."

"Six once you get a tissue in your nose," Daryl said. 

But Colin didn't appreciate the insult, had already decided to run, probably before he broke down in tears in front of his friends and now ex-girlfriend. She could handle if her boyfriend lost a fight to her brother, but not to go out like that, making excuses, and if that wasn't enough, saying 'hick' as an insult was the final nail in the coffin. 

Watching him run off down the road, Daryl gave one last quip. "I didn't know you were a surgeon Wayne. But I do believe you performed a _Colin_ -ectomy." His brow furrowed in doubt about his wordplay. "Wait, are colonectomy's actually a thing? Are there doctors out there who actually remove people's buttholes?"

"I removed _that_ butthole," Wayne said, and his eyes flicked to hers, finally seeming regretful, like he knew he might have gone too far. "Sorry, Katy."

If she wanted to hammer in the message about interfering with her boyfriends, the best thing might to get mad at him, or pretend to, anyway. She could certainly storm off... and indeed, she wanted to, but not to sulk in her room but rather fight off the nervous energy that had built up watching her brother and her (ex-)boyfriend fight. Wayne and Darry sometimes joked about _'mixing a batch'_ like they were hiding what they were talking about from her, but she knew, and especially now she felt the term might apply to her, too... although actually, it felt a little like a batch had already been partially mixed and she just needed to whip it a little more until her toes curled, and storming off in a huff might let her get away with doing that right now. But that wouldn't solve anything, she knew it was better to play things cool, and she was good at that. Part of that was her response. "No apology needed, you gave him a fair chance to back down," she decided after a breath to center herself. "It was his own fault... you call yourself the Toughest, you have to be able to back it up."

Katy sat back down like nothing had happened, and she resumed the last topic she could remember, Canadianized Halloween costumes. "You know Daryl, you could go as one of the undead, and add a big old tail out the back, then you'd be a zomb-beaver." Maybe that wasn't her best work, but it did the job of making what had happened seem inconsequential, not worth getting excited about, even though some of her friends and Colin's friends were still talking about the fight and, as it turned out, would be right until Monday. It wasn't the last she'd be thinking about it either, though. She already knew she'd be playing the fight back in her mind, with a few variations, playing with the thought of what it might be like if she was with the Toughest Teen in Letterkenny.

Even if it was never going to happen, she could at least imagine.


End file.
